When we embark on a relationship analysis, it is always imperative to take a look at the individual's charts and study relationship potential in each natal chart. We have all heard that we must learn to love ourselves first before we can love others in a healthy manner. We must also look to our own natal charts to see exactly what we expect from our relationships, and what potential issues we are likely to attract through our relationships with others.
Many significant issues within ourselves are faced in intimate relationships, and will not be apparent in impersonal (or non-personal) relationships. Because we don't have a deep personal investment in a casual relationship, there is no threat or perceived threat of loss of self in more superficial relationships.
Some themes that are commonly expressed when relating intimately with others should be mentioned here. Projection is one such theme. When we project a trait or a feeling onto someone else, we experience this trait or feeling as coming from the outside, when in reality it is our own disownedfeeling or trait. We have disowned some quality or attitude that is part of ourselves, as expressed in the natal chart. Sometimes we disown and project traits because we are not ready to face up to or take responsibility for the projected behavior, attitude, or trait. When we project it, we are also projecting responsibility onto someone else. We position ourselves into a passive role, and the person who we have projected a behavior onto becomes the aggressor.
We all are guilty of projection from time to time. An example of projection is the case of a jealous spouse. When he sees his spouse talking to a person he perceives as a potential "threat", he may jealously imagine that the conversation is more intimate than it actually is. It may be traced to his own fear that he himself won't be faithful, or that if he were in the same situation, he may be tempted to "cheat". He does not want to admit this to himself, let alone others, so he projects the potential for infidelity onto his spouse.
In close relationships, we often attract or are attracted to people who express traits that we have "disowned". All of us could benefit from stopping to think about what angers or irritates us the most about our partners. Is it possible that we are projecting these traits onto our mates, or that we have attracted a person with these traits in order to make up for the lack in our own personalities? Relationships can be the most revealing learning experiences about ourselves if we are open to learning from them, and if we are being honest with ourselves.
Projection most commonly occurs at the Descendant, with oppositions, and sometimes with Saturn. The Descendant and seventh house reveal what we are looking for in others, and these traits may be those that we disown or project onto others.
Venus oppositions in the natal chart can also point to projection. The other planet (the planet that Venus opposes) may be projected onto partners in love relationships. With Moon oppositions in the natal chart, we may project our own emotional state onto others, and, as a result, experience the other planet in our intimate relationships.
The twelfth house can also sometimes indicate projected qualities, but more often show parts of our own personalities that aren't easily integrated into the rest of us because they are not easily accepted. Qualities of the twelfth house may be repressed (as opposed to projected), and are different than the seventh house in that we experience them more indirectly. When we meet our twelfth house in others, we are less apt to jump up and declare that person "the one" like we might do if we meet our seventh house in a person. Instead, we might feel uncomfortable in their presence, but somehow drawn to the experience. When we experience a person activating our twelfth house, we tend to come more in touch with hidden traits and emotions within ourselves.
Repressed "material" may show itself through self-defeating attitudes and behaviors. We don't experience these qualities directly, but rather we meet up with them through fantasy or addictions. Shame and repression are often signified by the twelfth house and Saturn. Saturn represents our shame that is a result of not meeting standards of perfection or rigid rules. The twelfth house shows parts of our personality that we felt were rejected perhaps in early life by our parents or the people around us, or if we believe in reincarnation, by experiences in our past lives. Repressed qualities can easily become distorted and hurtful towards others and towards ourselves. Where we find Saturn in our charts can be clues to areas where we feel a certain amount of shame and we may attempt to overcompensate. If we do not face these issues in ourselves, we carry them into our relationships. Sometimes we enforce suffering on people closest to us in order to deal with our own shame.
Pluto, when associated with relationships in the natal chart, can signify a person who totally identifies with their relationships, sometimes to the point of obsession. In their attempts to control the direction of their relationships, they can create dependencies in both themselves and their partners. They may fear being abandoned, and go to great lengths to keep their partner attached to them. This fear can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as the very methods they may use to keep their partner attached to them may drive their partner away in the end. The need to experience an intense attachment is present.
Manipulativeness may be a theme. When we manipulate our partners, we are effectively telling ourselves that we cannot affect our environments in a healthy, direct way, and we undermine ourselves as well as others. We fear that we are ineffective. When we strive for power in our relationships, we may tell ourselves that we are looking for ways to get closer to our mates, but in fact we are actually alienating ourselves from them. However, a positive expression of Pluto as a significator of relationships is the ability to attain intimacy and intensity without the need for subversive tactics.
